Can’t be fussed about anything

bo chap is ze middle name

The Tiger’s Child May 20, 2007

Filed under: Bookworm is my middle name,Life's like this, eh?,Quote — renzi @ 3:21 pm

I’ve been reading a couple of books lately and I’m tryin to read all of Torey Hayden’s books. I love how she deals with children (mostly disturbed) and well, her struggles that are tagged along with her rewarding passion. I also love how human she is, I mean she tries in her utmost best to be very objective but sometiems she finds herself unknowingly torn between the emotional, irrational side of her and well, how she normally is. This book is a continuation of this particular girl whom Hayden came across when she was in her early years of teaching. Anyway in one of the first parts of this book, she was explaining to Sheila about fighting in a relationship. I thought she summed it up nicely…

“We did fight,” I said softly. “Everybody fights, whatever the relationship, however good it might be. It wouldn’t be a relationship otherwise, because two separate people are coming together. Friction is a natural part of that.”

On top of this, I love what how Hayden remembers and describes vividly her encounters. Her descriptions are just so…nicely put (I wish I’d read this when I was much younger, so I could use some of these phrases in my essays). And sometimes I see Sheila in myself too. I mean, she is incredibly strong, attention-seeking, and angsty I might add. But a softer side of her occasionally creeps up, exuding and and even exposing her human vulnerabilities:

“Stop!” Sheila cried. Not only was it the first word she had spoken in the better part of an hour and a hald, which made it startling enough, but she said it with such suddenness that I fully expected to hit something with the car. I slammed on the brakes sufficiently hard to throw us both sharply forward. This made her smile briefly in my direction, before pointing to the east. ” Look at that”

For a short shining moment, colour was soverign. The wet asphalt of the road gleamed black against the sudden gold of the sunlit wheat. Beyond the ruffling grain rose the dark remains of the storm clouds, pierced through by a rainbow. Only a very short part of the rainbow was visible; there was not even enough to form a clear arc, but that small section shimmered brilliantly above the restless wheat.

“Oh God,” Sheila murmured softly, as she regarded the sight, “why do beautiful things make me feel so sad?”

—–

I reached up and wiped the tears away. ” I feel so helpless when something like this happens. I want to change things so badly and I just can’t”.

Her forehead wrinkling, she gazed in amazement. unlike me, she had remained dry-eyed.

“Sometimes it helps,” I said of my tears and wiped the last of them away. “In these circumstances, it’s about all there’s left for me to do”

—–

And Sheila’s realisation proved that Hayden’s efforts with her were, at last, worth it. Hayden’s patience with Sheila in encouraging her to accept the past and look beyond her circumstances paid off. And for a teen to speak with so much wisdom is astounding and herein lies a simple moral of the story:

“Well, I think I’ve come to the first point. I was just sitting here, thinking through, and you know, I don’t feel like it was my fault anymore. It still hurts like hell. I still wish it didn’t happen, but it did, and I can see now that maybe my mom just had her own problems, that is was just my bad luck to have been part of them.”

She pondered a moment. “And maybe that’s true for my dad too. Whatever. Anyway I’m thinking, like I can’t go over it, I can’t go under it, I can’t go around it. I’ve been trying all of them. So I better go through it.”

A small silence.
“I think I’m seeing things differently now,” she said. “I think I can accept it.”
“Good.”

“You know………..What i’ve been thinking most about is what you said about letting go. Accepting, forgiving and then letting go. I think I can accept. I think I can even forgive, but I’ve been wondering and wondering about letting go. Trying to figure out what “letting go” entails, and all I cant think of is that it means living your life forward. Starting to think of the future more than the past.”

A small pensive silence. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever lived my life forward before,” she said. “Even when I wasn’t remembering things, I was always wanting to go back.”

So yeah… go read the book if you can! I have the book, so if anything, just give me a ring and I’ll pass you the two books. Time to have a good sleep…or rest. It’s really a sunday today but thank God anyway 🙂